A warm welcome back!
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Conflict is one of the subjects I touch on in my book Brains at the Border and Fresh Frontiers.
Why is that relevant regarding our international travel? Well, it is everywhere and important to be able to handle it so let’s clarify what it is:
Peace is not absence of conflict. It I the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.
– Ronald Reagan President USA 1981- 1989
I would agree with you but then we would both be wrong!
The words above are often attributed to the comedian, writer, and actor Woody Allen.
We can, of course often both agree and disagree within ourselves too.
Internal Conflict is defined as a mental and emotional struggle witing the self, arising from opposing demands or impulses. In other words, “being in two minds” about a certain person, place, or situation. A person can feel conflicted about spending their money on a well-deserved holiday abroad when say, elderly parents are struggling and could do with some financial support instead. If someone appears to self-sabotage, be angry, or defensive, I often sense that they are “conflicted”.
Should I stay or should I go?
It could be that someone has been offered a job in an overseas branch of the company and feels conflicted about whether to take it due to other responsibilities at home. Or it may be considered a conflict of interest to accept a role with an oil company if you are also an environmental campaigner.
A couple might feel conflicted about whether they should be taking their children to a new location for a character busing experience overseas, or whether it is better to leave them at boarding school for continuity of their education.
External conflict is to fight, to disagree with other people or be disagreeable in attitude. We have all met people with whom we struggle to have any rapport, or who battle their wits against ours and antagonize others! They could be family members, social contacts, work colleagues, service providers or our own customers. (I will address dealing with difficult people later – so read on!).
Tug of War
A common example would be a divorcing couple experiencing continual conflict over custody of their children. I worked at one time with a Scottish lady whose estranged Latin American husband had taken their daughter to Peru to “visit the grandparents” only to have to take legal action when she did not return. I am sure you can imagine how she felt about it.
Conflict does not only drain individuals, but communities and nations. In Brains at the Border, I also recount some trips I made to conflict zones in Central America, the Balkans, Sri Lanka, and the Pakistan-Afghan border (just a few miles from where I took this photo of three handsome guards in traditional uniforms at the famous Khyber Rifles in the Khyber Pass….) and where madness seems to
overtake humanity. Polarised opinions and ideologies, prejudice, corruption, poverty, land disputes, abuse of power and control by political and religious all play their part.
Conflict Resolution
At the end of the day, we all belong to the same race – humanity. The tragic loss of life, destruction, and sorrow that war brings needs no further comment. Trips to the Japanese cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki to see the devastation of atomic warfare, and masses of war graves across the globe from France to Singapore speak for themselves. Witnessing these places first hand brings home the futility of conflict.
Be Kind!
The ancient Chinese had a saying that peace and kindness begins in the home, and then extends to the community, nation, and healing the whole of the world. How true. However, before we overcome that major challenge let’s look at the strategies you can use to handle situations effectively:
My Top Ten practical tips for dealing with difficult people:
- Stay calm and keep your composure – no knee jerk reactions out of frustration.
- Listen Actively – Do not interrupt. Hear people out to understand their perspective.
- Have empathy – Put yourselves in their shoes. How are really feeling inside?
- Be assertive – not aggressive. Set clear boundaries about what is acceptable behaviour.
- Choose your battles – is it worth escalating this further or better just to let it go?
- Do not take thing personally. A rude person is also rude to others, not just to you!
- Create solutions, don’t exacerbate the problems – suggest ways to compromise.
- Be always professional – be firm but respectful, polite, and clear.
- If the situation feels threatening, seek the support of another capable person.
- Self-=Care is vital – difficult people can be draining on our own energy. Take time out.
Cross Culture Conflict
Remember that conflict can arise is any setting and cross-cultural issues can be even more complex due to different social norms and expectations. By approaching everyone we meet with a willingness to listen and understand their points of view we can navigate our way and build good relationships!
Have a sense of humour!
Laughter is the best medicine. Do be careful though as cracking jokes could be taken as offensive by strangers. I recall one of my friends, Gerry, who was working in the Canadian consulate in Venezuela, had a very difficult customer one day who was irate about an issue with his passport renewal. He became increasingly angry and (peeved that his tax payments going towards this public “service”) he thumped the counter and yelled at Gerry “Listen fella – I pay your salary!”. Quick witted Gerry
replied “Jeez! So, you’re the guy! – I have been trying to get hold of you on the phone for weeks! Where’s my money?”. Fortunately, for Gerry the guy was just so stunned he just went quiet!!
Keep smiling!
